There has been a lot happening in the Shac-A-Con house the past two weeks, and there’s been so much I’ve wanted to say. But it feels like there is no time, or at least no energy. I am so tired!
Two weeks ago we added a toddler to the mix. She is just shy of 2 and full of spunk and energy. Most of the time she’s fun and sweet: her vocabulary is excellent and she is constantly repeating and learning new words and phrases. She’s quite independent and can “do it” by herself- and NO she does not need your help. And she loves to talk! I knew adding a second kid to the mix would change things, but, as they said on MTV: You think you know, but you have no idea. And, honestly, I had no idea!
Parenting is hard. Foster parenting is hard. Having 2 kids is hard! We’re incredibly lucky and The Teen loves The Toddler. She is super sweet and patient and loves to play and make The Toddler giggle. The Toddler loves her right back and calls for her, loves to run and give hugs, and “knock knock” and demand to “open da door” when The Teen seeks respite in her room. I truly don’t know how people do this with two young kids- you have my full admiration.
It's been an interesting learning curve and balancing act- incorporating a new kid into the family, establishing a routine for her, especially because we have all been very out of routine the past couple months, and making sure both kids are getting the attention they need. Even more so because the attention they each need is very different. All while still trying to do some work from home and keep tabs on everything happening in the world around us. Man, do I miss school! I miss my office and having a place of refuge where no one is climbing on me or watching me pee. Toddlers do not have boundaries.
We’re also dealing with meltdowns and tantrums, mostly from The Toddler, but at least a couple have been mine. There have been super high highs- like getting her to bed with no crying or screaming- and very low lows- like feeling like an absolute failure as she screams louder and longer than I thought humanly possible and having no idea what to do to comfort her because all my tricks were rejected or failed. These have not been my best two weeks. I’ve felt like a failure in more ways than I can even count and in every role in my life- mom, wife, friend, counselor. I’ve cried and questioned if I can do this. I decided we needed to enroll The Toddler in daycare for all of our sake and I think it will help for everyone to get a break and to be able to quietly get work and school done while she runs around with other kids and releases some energy.
But there have been successes too: bedtime is getting easier, my relationship with The Teen is continuing to grow and I continually remind her this is forever- she is stuck with us and we’re not going anywhere. And I’m so lucky to have an incredible partner. I love watching Mitch be a dad- sometimes he fumbles and I know he’s had his moments of feeling like a failure too (a hard “mommy” phase happening doesn’t help) but he’s really good at it. He’s goofy and caring and is very active in parenting. Our families are also wonderful and continue to embrace and love every kid who enters our home. We couldn’t do this alone, and we’re fortunate to not have to.
I don’t know how long The Toddler will be with us- her mom is working her case plan and wants reunification, which is wonderful. I’m so happy she has a mom that loves her and wants to get her back. I truly hope mom can do what is required by DCS and is successful in reunifying. Until then, we’ll love her too and take care of her, and work through the tantrums and meltdowns. Hopefully she’ll learn some more coping skills and the meltdowns will decrease as our skills increase and we better learn how to help her. We’ll keep at it regardless. She redeems herself quite often- like when she asks for lotion (she’s obsessed with lotion) or squeals with delight as she rides her bike or swims in the pool. She really is fun. I suspect this will be a summer of more firsts for us as we continue to navigate having two kids. Hard to believe that 7 months ago we were a family of 2 and now we’re a family of 4. Clearly there is no predicting 2020.
No comments:
Post a Comment