It’s been two weeks since Sis joined us. In many ways it feels like so much longer; maybe because we spent 5 days over Thanksgiving with her or, unlike most new kids, the first week wasn’t spent with doctors appointments and trying to gather any bit of information about her that someone shared. Since she is the toddlers full biological sister, we know the case and the plan. And in many ways it’s felt like I’ve known Sis for months- I’d seen her in the car a few times during visit pick-up, I’ve been hearing monthly updates on how she is doing since May, and I’d seen a couple of pictures.
I’m finding I have to remind myself it’s only been two weeks- especially as I lose patience with some of her behaviors. Overall they are really minor and very age appropriate, and considering everything she has been through at just 5 years old, she’s adjusting remarkably well. But 5 is a new age for me and having two kids close in age is a huge adjustment. I’m still learning to balance their needs, what behavior to correct and what to let go, and how to referee sisters while also letting them work it out themselves. It’s a LOT. Doesn’t feel like there is time for a learning curve either- they’re 2 and 5 and here and need me. And snacks. And attention. And baths, and books, and more snacks, and dinner (every single night!), and another bath followed by more snacks. I’ve learned I have very little patience for baby talk and whining. Ironically, I was a super whiny kid... sorry about that Mom and Dad! I can wait out a pout session pretty well. And decent conditioner and detangler spray are lifesavers for Sis’ long, thick, tangled hair.
But through the exhaustion and non-stop busyness of Christmas and short weeks of daycare, it’s been amazing to see sisters together. They truly love and adore each other. They hug and comfort each other, like playing together, have the same level of never ending energy, and same good appetites. In foster care, it usually feels like moving mountains to make anything happen. But the stars aligned for this move! Sis had a wonderful foster mom, but her license was expiring and she needed to transfer her energy to other family members in need. But she worried about Sis and didn’t want to just move her to another home and walk away. We happened to have an open bed and had been talking about officially reopening it for a new placement. We also happened to be with the same agency as Sis’ previous foster mom which made the transfer even smoother. Her other foster mom has been incredibly helpful and remains a person in her life. We were able to keep Sis at her current daycare, so she’ll continue to see her former foster sister/bestie on a daily basis and we’ll do some play dates in the future. Two daycare drop offs and pick ups every day is far from ideal for us, but one less move for Sis is worth the extra few miles. This also lets the sisters adjust to life together again before they move back to mom. They have two more siblings, in two other foster homes, so it will be a big adjustment for them all, but I do think this will help a little bit.
Another challenge is figuring out how to give them the attention they crave, especially 1 on 1 time. With the teen, it was easy- she was home all day and loved to run errands with me, meaning when the toddler was home I could give her attention and she got 1 on 1 with bathtime and bedtime every night. Now bathtime is an adventure in itself, with arguments over the empty shampoo bottle (why do I buy toys? They just want the literal trash!) and sometimes too much splashing that leads to some stern warnings about how “next time they’ll have to get out”. Pandemic life certainly doesn’t make it easier- playdates and trips to the zoo have to be planned in advance and canceled the minute someone sneezes- I definitely long for the Pre-Covid days of spontaneity and gatherings of big groups without a second thought. Timing is not ideal, but nothing in foster care ever is, so it feels par for the course. And I figure if we can make it through foster parenting in a pandemic, we can make it through a lot.
I’m excited to watch the girls bond continue to grow, and anxious to see where the case goes. I expect goodbye is not too far away. And I hope they can remember good times and love and not when I got impatient and short or snapped at them one too many times. I hope they’ll remember the many trips to the park and the waaaaaaaay too many presents they got for Christmas, and know they were safe and loved while their mom worked hard to get them back. Because even on the really hard days, we both love them a lot.
