Everything is weird. This past month has been a lot. School is closed and learning to work from home has been a huge challenge. Add to that a teenager who is learning to do school from home and learning a whole new family and household.
Parenting is hard in the best of circumstances. Partnering kids with trauma is really hard. Parenting a kid with trauma during a global pandemic is hard and weird and baffling at times.
Parenting a teen is brand new territory for us. We work with teens, which is helpful, but having one at home is very different. Overall the month has gone really well and we’re settling in. Being locked up and forced to spend way more time than expected together has its benefits- we’ve gotten to have some great conversations and done some hiking and bike riding. The weather is perfect so it’s been nice to have dinners outside and at least have the doors open.
In many ways a teen is much easier than a toddler. I don’t have to watch her every moment or worry what she’ll find next. She can entertain herself, feed herself, bathe herself. I can remind her to do school work and she knows what and how to do it- she’s very smart and has big goals for her future. Sometimes it feels too easy! But the concerns are bigger and conversations more important. And more awkward.
But it’s also exhausting. We’re all yearning to be out in the world again. We all miss school and routine. We’re all going stir crazy. And with a lot of time comes time to think. And overthinking is something I excel at.
I’ve been doubting my parenting skills, doubting if I can do this. Not sure what I’ve gotten myself (and Mitch) into- can we handle this? Are we prepared? Can we actually do this? Teens come with a lot of history and teens in DCS come with a lot of trauma history. I hope we can. I know this isn’t an easy path, but a part of me still hoped it would be easy. It’s not easy. And if it were, we wouldn’t be doing it right.
I’ve been fortunate that the foster community is wonderful- I’ve been able to reach out to literal strangers for pep talks and support and leave the conversation feeling like I’ve known them forever. I was extra worried about adding a teen to the mix since most of my go-to supports are also in the toddler/ pre-school stage of parenting. I don’t know many parents of teens! But those I know have embraced me and those I’m meeting are fabulous. I’m so grateful for the advice, support, and commiseration!
We’re learning. We’re trying. We’re hoping things will go back to normal, or close to it, soon. Until then, and I’m sure after then, we’ll keep trying to figure this out.
