Foster Care is So Bittersweet

Tomorrow marks 5 weeks of parenting and life with Tater. It has flown by! It amazes me how quickly our lives and hearts expanded to let her in. In many ways it feels like she's always been a part of our family. Overall, I’m pretty impressed with Mitch and myself and our parenting- we’re far from perfect and learning constantly- but I think we’re doing a pretty good job. One of the best parts of this journey has been watching Mitch be a dad; he is amazing at it- he's funny, sweet, caring, and silly, and I’m loving parenting with him.

I’m learning that parenting and fostering are often the same thing, and sometimes they’re very different. I love Tater and I would keep her in a heartbeat, but that's not what we signed up for and she has a mom and extended family that love her and want her too. Its bittersweet but I’m glad for her sake that she is so loved and wanted. There is a petition to move her to a relative that will be heard by the court on January 2nd. My mama heart homes she gets to stay with us longer- I know she’s not our forever but even the thought of saying goodbye already breaks my heart. But that's the foster part of the equation- day to day we’re her parents, but in the grand scheme of her life we’re fostering her while her original family can do what they need so she can return to them. 

Until about a week ago I knew very little about her family, but during a CFT (team meeting) conference call, her mom was part of it. It surprised me how good it felt to hear her talk about her baby- she cried and asked questions, then laughed a bit and agreed that Tater isn’t a fan of naps but loves the car. I could feel her love for her baby, and it was nice. I knew Tater was loved- she knew how to brush teeth, was a pro at bathtime, likes to play and is sweet and friendly: hallmarks of being a very loved baby. But hearing her mom say how much she loves her and misses her was good- I want Tater to be loved and I’m glad her mom wants her back. I never want her to think for even a moment she wasn’t wanted- it's the opposite, she is so wanted! 

I know this process will break my heart, but I’m hoping it will also help families get back together. I truly believe in reunification and I’ve worked with kids long enough to know it really is what kids and families want and what is best for them. But the selfish part of me wishes I didn’t have to do it- that I could just get lucky and end up with my forever sooner rather than later. And a little piece of me is scared of the unknown- what if the next little one isn’t as fun or sweet? What if she cries all the time or never sleeps? But what if she’s great in her own way? I’m sure she will be and I know I’ll love her too. And I’ll keep hoping that whatever happens with Tater, it's the best for her. I know she won’t remember her time here or who we are, but I hope she remembers being so loved and can keep that feeling with her forever, even when our names and faces are long gone.

Ain’t No Tired Like New Parent Tired

We’ve had our little Tater nearly 3 weeks and it feels like so much longer. It has been a whirlwind! 

She has settled in so well- we’ve been incredibly lucky that she is a happy and fun little one. She loves to play, eats everything she is given, sleeps well, and gets along with everyone. She has definitely spoiled us by being a really easy placement. That said, I am SO TIRED! 

Mitch and I were definitely living the no kids life lazy style. Our usual routine was to come home, hang out, watch tv, and generally be bums. Sometimes we’d do something productive but at least 2-3 days we did a lot of nothing. Long gone are those days. Toddlers have so much energy! 

She has also graciously shown us where every non-child appropriate item is located. 

In addition to the normal “keep the kid alive” part of parenting, the first three weeks have included:  2 DCS visits, 1 lawyer visit, 3 licensing agency visits, 2 pediatrician appts, plus scheduling appointments for vision and dental, a CFT (meeting to discuss how she’s doing and if services are needed), and a court review next week. She also started daycare 2 days per week, which included a visit to do registration paperwork prior to her starting. And she’s not in need of any therapeutic services! The foster life is so full of appointments and meetings. 

Managing all of this as a two parent household has been a lot- and we have a huge network of support! I’m beyond grateful to all the people who have helped us- we’ve been showered in books, clothes, shoes, blankets, diapers, food, toys, advice, and babysitting. We truly could not do it without all the help! 

But it’s paying off: in addition to being an overall happy kid, she is learning new words (chicken, llama, baby, book, ball, bye), loves her chickens, is learning to love books, and has gotten into a nighttime routine. We’ve also learned an amazing amount as first time parents! Starting with a 14 month old is definitely not typical, but overall it’s been a great experience and even with the seemingly never ending meetings and appointments, I’m loving having Tater. 

I’m starting to adjust to being called “Taters Mom” and calling her my foster daughter- though we still haven’t committed to what we call ourselves, and have mostly avoided it since she doesn’t have a ton of words and has no problem getting our attention when she wants it (which is always- she’s a toddler). 

The next few weeks will be full of celebrations as we go through the holidays, and hopefully her cheery demeanor will make it even more fun for everyone. We’ll learn more in early January regarding how long she might be with us, or if she’ll be moved at that time. It’s hard to think of her leaving so soon, but we’ll love her while we have her and keep teaching her new things. Next up: saying Kitty.