On Monday we got a new little one- this time we got delivery! She arrived about 7:30 at night- crying and tired and I’m sure completely confused and scared. It's been a few days and she’s settling in really well. And I’m noticing a change in myself too- I’m less anxious, more confidant, and feeling less lost. I’ve only gotten up to check to see if she’s breathing like twice! And this little BB is younger than Tater- just 8 months old- and honestly that's been a relief. She wiggles and scoots, but doesn’t walk or crawl yet so she’s easier to keep an eye on while also doing little things, like putting clothes away or washing dishes. And she’s been a good napper!
We brought her in to the pediatrician and were asked if we had bio kids because it seemed like we had done this before- I gotta say it felt good to not come off like a deer in headlights. I also feel a little better about the unknown. It’s still hard not knowing what each day will bring, in regards to DCS and the future of this little one. Parenting her is easy- she’s sweet and loveable, with big bright eyes and a darling little smile. She’s a little behind on a few milestones, but not significantly, and it’ll be stuff we can work with her on and catch her up, given time. But I don’t know yet if we have time- so far I know next to nothing about our little BB. I’ve made some calls and sent some emails but the info is limited.
The hardest part is going back to my life and schedule no longer being mine. A new barrage of case workers are calling and visiting, asking for the same updates, and calling at the last minute to inform me of visits, court dates, etc. And I’ll still be left wondering how long we’ll have her- a few days? Weeks? Years? Right now I have no idea if there are relatives who might be placement options or what sort of case plan her parents will have. It’s exhausting to juggle all of the things that go into a baby plus foster care plus having no timeline.
We had about a week and a half of no baby. Part of that included traveling out of state, so it felt like only a few real days sans baby. Honestly, it was nice and a much needed break. I slept all night. Didn’t have to pack a lunch for someone else, didn’t have to get out the door in time to get to daycare and then work, and got to do nothing when I got home (after lysoling the hell out of everything to kill this cold virus). But it was also a little sad. I missed Tater. While we were traveling, there was a little guy her same age at the family events and during a moment of silence in the Bar Mitzvah service he made happy talking sounds and I lost it. My Tater would have done the same thing and had a great time. I missed my baby. Knowing I’m entering that again sucks. I want to love and bond with BB and play and watch her grow. And I wonder if I’ll love her as much as I love Tater. I hope I do. And I hope I get time with her.
I’m also up for another first- going to WIC. I didn’t go with Tater since the only thing I was adding to my usual grocery list was milk and applesauce, but BB is on formula and that’s pricey! I’ve taken advantage of some of the resources for foster kids, but it feels a little weird. Mitch and I have discussed it a few times- we know we have a lot of privilege and entered into this with the knowledge that we could financially afford it. Utilizing daycare services has been a must, we couldn’t afford full price daycare, plus some clothes and miscellaneous items that various agencies supply has been nice. I love all the hand me downs friends and family have given us, and they’ve been a huge help. WIC, however, felt odd- on one hand BB gets it because she is in state custody and it will pay for formula and some baby food. On the other hand, it feels like so many other people need it more than we do- I don’t want to take a resource that someone else needs. I feel the same with the things offered in the community- Christmas presents were a big one- I didn’t want or need any gifts, knowing our families were excited to provide gifts, and feeling that other kids certainly needed them more. No child we ever have will want for toys, books, food, or most importantly, love. I’m sure this won’t be the last time I face this dilemma, but for now I’ll take the benefit, get some formula, and make sure I have a happy and well fed baby and see what the upcoming days and weeks bring.
This girl does not like socks! She pulls them off within seconds of me putting them on.
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