I’m a jumble of thoughts and emotions as I write this. Last week Tater had court to hear a motion to move her placements- at this time it wasn’t officially approved, but that's where it is moving. The goal is to move Tater and her older siblings to a relative placement so that they’re together and with family. There are a lot of reasons for this- the goal of DCS is to place kids with family whenever possible and to keep siblings together. Currently her 3 older siblings are in 2 other foster homes, and they have seen each other 4 times in the past 7 weeks. Luckily the older kids go to the same school, so have much more frequent contact, but Tater is too little for big kid school.
The hearing was interesting, and I’m constantly learning more about how the system works. The relatives were called to the stand and questioned- and they seem like nice, loving people. They want the kids, have a 3 bedroom house, are in the process of getting beds for everyone, have toys, and are willing to do whatever they need to- transport to school, appointments, etc. They agreed to follow any rules set in place by DCS. Mitch and I even interacted with them briefly after the hearing, they introduced themselves and seem genuinely kind and I truly believe they love the kids and want to do what's best for them. I can’t fault anyone for trying so hard to keep a family together.
The flip side of that is the personal heartbreak. I will miss Tater so much. Even thinking about her leaving makes me tear up- I’m happy she will be with family, and people who will love her unconditionally and will be there forever, even when she returns to her mom. But having to say goodbye to my baby will be so hard. She has been so loved and embraced by everyone in our families- foster care is much larger than just us, and I’m realizing the ripple effects of loving a little one who is only here temporarily.
I’m also in a weird space of being sad she’s leaving, but still having her. Visits will increase the next two weeks, then the court will reconvene and review. She’ll likely be moved by the end of next week. So I’ll keep loving her, but with a little bit of a broken heart. I also know that when we say goodbye to her, the minute we say the word, our next Potato will be here, so part of me is in that space: wondering about who is next, what will they be like? Will they be here longer? Forever? I can’t help but hope our next little one is our forever, for purely selfish reasons and not wanting to go through heartbreak again. And I’m trying to focus on the now and loving Tater, yet can’t shake a bit of jealousy for my foster friends who ended up with their forever placement from the start. I’d be lying if I didn’t wonder sometimes if we should have discussed bio kids more- at least I’d only have myself and Mitch to answer to and a million people wouldn’t be visiting my house and dictating my life and schedule.
I like a schedule, I live and die by my calendar, and foster parenting means throwing that out the window. We’ve been notified with less than 24 hours of visits being canceled, we have no say in the scheduling of court, meeting, or most other things related to her care. We are in charge of a little person 24 hours a day, but have no actual rights to her or say in anything. It’s uncomfortable at best, and infuriating at worst. It’s especially frustrating at 4:30am when I’m holding a crying baby who can’t sleep, but I know the court is in charge of her life. Its next to impossible to plan further than a few days out, since everything is scheduled around the court and what they dictate.It’s also a little shocking that the state considers a few afternoon visits and 1 overnight a “transition plan” for 4 kids. On the flip side, we obviously had no transition and went from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye. It’s a weird dichotomy and, in this case, I wish for all the kids sake, this had been done a lot sooner- the fact that it took months for the court to review their relatives for placement is so unfair to 4 little kids who deserve stability.
It’s amazing how hard a person can love in just 7 weeks. Mitch and I have learned SO much in those weeks though, and it will make us even better parents for whoever we love next. I continue to be incredibly grateful for all the love that has been showered upon all of us and all the support our village has given us, and I’m certain it will continue as we keep on this wild road.
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